Friday, January 18, 2008

I've got the blues

Yesterday was my birthday.I Don't know why ,but the whole day i was so depressed.I am still feeling pretty down today too.I guess i it's because i sat down and reflected a bit about my life and where i am as opposed to where i thought i thought i would be at this point .I never would have thought i would be pretty much homebound and have all of these serious health issues.I thought the health issues were over in my late teens.I have been through more serious health scares in my short 36yrs then most people in there 80's.

It becomes overwhelming at times.It becomes very lonely too.I may not have always liked some of the jobs i have had but at least i had allot of friends to talk to .There are allot of days that go by that unless a bill collector or two calls my phone may never ring at all.Plus the frustration i have been dealing with the last several months of the constant pain and not knowing the cause. There are times i just want to sit down and cry or scream out.but i don't well most days i don't.There are just some times the pain is so bad i can't help it.

Paul was so sweet ,he brought home a cute card and a birthday cake for me.along with a ready made rotisserie chicken dinner for me. I really didn't have an apetite but didn't have the heart to tell him that , so i went ahead and ate any way.I think he was disappointed that i didn't have any cake though . I just couldn't I felt so sick to my stomach and my stomach was in such knots.

I need to snap out of this .

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